I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
