I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
