And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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