I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
