i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
