I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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