I just pynch a tree in the face
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
