I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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