I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
