they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
