Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
