just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
