put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
where are you?
Hypothermia
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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