Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
