You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
