Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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