i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
