i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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