did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
