My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
