You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
