my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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