Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
