Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
