honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
