We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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