So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
