and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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