You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
