Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
