people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
