96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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