I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You are a genius and a whore.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
