I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
