You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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