He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
