...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
