I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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