just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
