I feel like I'm in dance class right now
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
