Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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