I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
