I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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