I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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