Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
