one might say we're banned from that church
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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