did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
