My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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