Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
