So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
