Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
